RSS Feed

Tag Archives: love

Quick pics

Future besties: Baby Girl and her cousin. 1.5 months apart, playing at the lake. Baby girl’s “cage” as we call it, is necessary in the sand due to the fact that she eats everything she finds.


Baby girl was crabby today from teething. Big brother went outside and she let me know that she wanted to go out too. Loudly. I took her for a short walk down to a friend’s house where she proceeded to explore every inch of their driveway. This is the dirty dirty aftermath:


We were lazy campers and left the lake to go out to dinner on Saturday night. He insisted on holding her while waiting for a table.


She is actually awake here, but the flash made her blink. She crawled around and stole all the blankets and settled herself on the pillow all covered up. Baby girl loves cuddly softness.


To My Friend Alicia

Alicia, over here wrote the kindest, sweetest post about lil ol’ me. I couldn’t comment on it because blogger hates me, so I had to write a post that hopefully she will see. Because I want her to know that I am thanking her from the bottom of my heart for her kindness and support. It’s not every day that you meet someone online or IRL, who is just so incredibly kind.

I am a complete wreck tonight since baby girl has her first visit in over a month with her father. It’s the first visit that I have had to take her to. I want to be supportive, I want to be kind. I want him to be in the right state of mind. Most of all I want this visit to be safe. The SW informed me today that I may have to sit in on the supervised visit, as baby girl might be anxious being handed off to him since she doesn’t really know him. Awkward much? But as I said, I want it to go as smoothly as possible. I do have empathy for the man. He is losing his child. I couldn’t imagine anything more terrible. Will he show? I don’t know. Apparently he is in a very bad state of mind at the moment. And as I said, that is why I hope that he is ok and that we have no troubles at the visit.
Wish me luck and pray for us. This is unknown territory for me and I am scared shitless

Queen of PMS

I am Queen PMS. Find me a crown and a cape.
I am anxious and tearful and sad.
I am angry that I allowed myself to be hurt by someone I do not know and that does not know me. Thick skin? No stinking way. I am as thin skinned as they come. I can somehow let one hateful comment shut me down completely.
I know my intentions are good. I know that the love I feel is pure.
There are adoption haters, there are ART haters. We can’t win.
Do I think that I don’t deserve more children because God made me barren? And what is barren? Unproductive; Unfruitful. I’m actually neither. I have fantastically young and well producing ovaries, thankyouverymuch. It just so happens that my other half is *ahem*, unfruitful. So do I think that? that God has decided I’m unworthy? That my husband is unworthy? No. I think that we are given challenges, just like everyone else. Different challenges perhaps, but we all have them. Difficult, heartbreaking and seemingly unfair challenges. But it’s what WE DO about those challenges.
Many days I want to, and have, pulled the blankets up over my head and cried. I have questioned my worthiness. I have wondered, why me?
But as I’ve said before, maybe this is why. Because there are children who need homes. NOT because I am a psychotic baby stealer, but because some children are born into unfit homes. Because some children are malnourished and neglected. Because some children are dealt a shitty hand. Is that my fault? No. Is it the child’s fault? Most definitely not. Do they deserve to sit in foster care year after year, in case the parents finally decide get Their act together? No. They deserve permanency. They deserve love and hot meals and clean diapers.
If I can and am willing to provide that, how in the world does that make me a psycho baby stealer?
When we first got baby girl I experienced guilt that I didn’t think I would. Guilt because someone is losing their baby. But that IS NOT my fault. They were given every chance, fair and square. I’m just here to pick up the pieces, so to speak.
Anyway…that’s all for now. My heart hurts tonight. I will move on, but I’m having a hard time. Blame it on the PMS?
UPDATE: I would KILL for a bag of chips..oh wait, don’t alert the authorities, It’s a figure of speech. I promise no one will die over Ruffles

Response to Today’s Hate Mail

I think that for the people who know me in real life, and for those that read my blog, or share similar blogs, they are aware of the little bits of sarcasm, facetiousness, etc, that are used as a way to take a break from the seriousness of it all. For any of you wondering, no I would not seriously “steal” a child. However, I WOULD take in a child who has been
languishing in the foster care system for 9+ months due to neglectful and violent parenting. I don’t think that is in any way wrong. I don’t think it is wrong to develop a bond or love, clothe and feed a child who, at three months of age weighed only 9 pounds. I don’t think it is wrong of me at all to wake up twice a night for bottle feedings or to spend two weeks coaxing the child into the tub because she is terrified of water. I don’t think that it is wrong to rock her to sleep or to comfort her when she cries.

All of these things I have done are much more than anyone biologically related to her have done in her short life.

Adopting an abused and neglected child from the foster care system is an act of love. Pure and simple.

**UPDATED: also, anyone who claims that they have pure and perfect thoughts all of the time are liars. What separates the normal from the truly fucked up is that WE DON’T ACT ON OUR EVERY THOUGHT AND EMOTION.

**UPDATED #2: Also, while I don’t care for negativity on my blog I will also not hide from it. Hence the reason I approved the comment and responded.