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Morning Rant: I’m not Normal

Ya I’m behaving In a totally sane and rational manner. That is if sitting in your car on a freeway offramp bawling hysterically is normal. I feel like some of you may actually say, “Oh you’re cool, I do that all the time”. Maybe it’s a parking lot or a subway platform or a bus bench, but I can’t be the only one who has these types of breakdowns. And they always come in the car. That’s how I know when things are bad. When I can’t drive a distance without loosing my shit. When I’m in the car I think. I can’t listen to music anymore. I started to again for a while and then all this shit happened with my mom. Now I’m back off of it. I listen to CNN or Stars.
Now for the rant of today. My mom fucked up royally. Being paid under the table, no insurance, etc. It has been HELL trying to fix this mess. My beef is currently with the state of California (beside with her and her poorer than poor choices). Yes there are many people such as my mom who NEED public assistance. And it is SO HARD to get. What’s with all these drug addict, repeat offenders and baby mamas with no jobs that we are paying for with our taxes? How did they get medi-cal? I highly doubt many have the patience and determination to go through what they are making me go through. And what of Obama’s universal healthcare plan? Insurance for every American citizen my ass. Don’t get me wrong I KNOW she fucked up by not having it and I’m pissed about that. I just know that we can’t live In the past and need to make the best of the future.So, I NEVER want to get political, but this is an EMOTIONAL rant. So excuse me when I say FUCK YOU state of California and FUCK you Obama for your useless (in my case) insurance agenda.

Nov 17

We have surgery scheduled “tentatively” for Saturday. This is such a mess, I can’t even begin to explain insurance issues, etc, that I am currently in charge of figuring out. Luckily the doctor performing the surgery is kind and the social worker helping me us the kindest. It’s all so surreal.

On the fertility front, day 2 of estrogen, and majorly glad I’m in a hospital for when I pass out from blood loss. I am toast. I can’t even concentrate and I need to go home but how do I do that? I am in charge of all of this. I am over it. But now I’m not allowed to drive per husband because I’m too tired.

Ok I managed to get home since writing that first part and plan to shower, put on my comfiest clothes and veg. The past few days have been a cake walk compared to the days to come.

I must rest.