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Aloha!

Wow. It has been ages since I have been on and I have missed my blogging friends. But lemme tell ya, a week of in Maui is just what the doctor ordered. But, as the world continues to go round even when you are taking a break, things still happened here. I came back to total chaos! Whens my next vacation?! it was so nice to not be a part of reality. I ate whatever I wanted. (To the great detriment of my obvious gluten intolerance. Hello bloating!) I drank mimosa’s for breakfast and had wine with dinner and napped and was in bed by 10pm every night. I layed out by the pool and on the beach and rode in a submarine and snorkled with giant sea turtles. And it couldn’t have been better.

Let’s see…On the fertility front…

The only thing that bothered me in Hawaii was that I’m not pregnant. When we made the plans, I was. And we were planning for me to be going into my 4th month on the trip. I didn’t think going would effect me how it did. But it did. That old familiar friend, the feeling of loss, decided to come along. I tried hard to shake him, and for the most part I did. There were just a few times that I couldn’t get him off my tail. See? It’s a fact that infertility clouds your judgement and makes you delusional. Who in thier right mind would be sad about not being pregnant in Hawaii for goodness sake?

My first day back, after not getting home until 1am (and spending all day either on a plane or in a car) I had to drag my butt out of bed and head down, an hour away, for my SHG. Luckily, it wasn’t as horrid as I expected it to be. Quick and easy. Ok, the fact that I slipped myself a vicodin a half an hour before may have helped, but hey. I was tired, cranky, and not in the mood for pain.

The good news is, my SHG was clear. No scarring, no polyps, no fibroids. Just one beautiful uterine cavity waiting to house a fetus.

Next step: FET consult appointment to get calendar and prescriptions. 2 Grade AA, lovely little embryos, just waiting for a home.

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These Coming Months

So this post is not meant to sound whiney and ungrateful, which I’m sure it will. But It’s not meant to. It’s really not.  I’m just warning you.

So in July, a couple of weeks after we plopped all of our money and then some on two shots at IVF, my dad suprised our entire family with a trip to Hawaii, scheduled for October. HAWAII, YAY, WE’RE GOING TO HAWAII IN OCTOBER!!!! We have never been so suprise and are bowled over by the genorosity of it all. The plane tickets and lodging (room shared with brother and fiance but so what!!) are taken care of, all we have to do is have the money for our meals and entertainment. We could not ask for a better gift! WE ARE GOING TO HAWAII!!!!

And then reality sets in…We just spent EIGHTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS ON IVF. We DO NOT have ONE EXTRA CENT. Hawaii is EXPENSIVE. We have LESS THAN THREE MONTHS to pull the money together. SPECIFICALLY, we have FIVE two paychecks to pull the money together.

When husband and I were wiping out our savings account budgeting for the IVF, we were in no way even thinking, dreaming, contemplating jumping on a plane and heading off to some exotic destination. We were budgeting for IVF, hoping number one would work, but paying in advance for the safety of a number two. We went in to the IVF fully aware that things would be tight for a while. Possibly a long while if IVF #1 didn’t work out as planned, which it didn’t. Our end goal and our resources were planned for baby making.

Which leads me to another point. I’m only six or seven weeks since my miscarriage and know I have to wait until November to try again, but am already going from “HELL NO I”LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!” to “Maybe I do want to try again when I can”. EXCEPT, that money that would normally be going toward the FET/IVF, medication/ ICSI pot (because even in pre-paid cycles meds and ICSI still amount to an extra 4k, and an FET with meds is 4k, so four grand no matter which way you go) is now going to the Hawaii pot. But again, there really is no money so I guess the whole thing is a moot point.

So to re-cap. We spent every penny in an effort to have baby #2. From a few weeks ago until the end of the year, WITHOUT even thinking about an IVF re-do this is what I have/have had to stress about having money for:

  1. WOW! My insurance SUCKS! EXTREMELY high copay for d&c after paying 100% out of pocket for IVF.
  2. Must buy school uniforms before Aug 29th.
  3. Husband goes on trip to Laughlin at end of August with his bowling league.
  4. Husband goes on hunting trip opening weekend, first weekend of September.
  5. Husband’s car needs tires, he keeps putting it off, I’m guessing so he can keep spending money on all these wonderful trips of his instead of something as boring as tires.
  6. Trip to Hawaii, OCT 18th for 7 days
  7. Halloween AS SOON AS WE GET BACK, which is a big deal in our house and neighborhood and usually entails much $$ spending, but probably won’t this year, as we won’t have the dough or time to plan. (Am secretly grateful it falls on a school night so our annual bash most likely won’t happen)
  8. Car #1 registration due 11/1
  9. Car #2 registration due 11/9
  10. RV registration due 11/6
  11. My birthday on 11/8, on which I will beg and plead that husband get me nothing, as I just want baby money and/or Christmas money so that Kid has a good Christmas.
  12. Kid’s 7th birthday Nov 14.
  13. Travel to Northern CA for wedding of dear cousin for the weekend of Nov 19. VERY excited but is being held in VERY expensive part of CA and will have to get myself there (gas in so cal averaging 3.90 a gallon right now. Will it go up or down?) and get hotel room (200+ a night?). Husband and Kid will more than likely stay behind and I will ride up with family unless we win the lotto.
  14. AND… all of this while gearing up for CHRISTMAS!!!!!

So anyway, ya, I may have a couple of panic attacks between now and December 31st. And like I said, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, so if any of you reading this are family members, you better just keep your mouth shut, cus I’m not being ungrateful. I love my dad and am so excited for this opportunity.

I’m just trying to figure out how to make it all work, ALL OF IT, the whole rest of this stupid year, after spending what we spent (everything) on one fabulous miscarriage.