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Thanksgiving 2011

The past few days have been beyond rough. Especially since the regular doctors left for the holiday and allowed Doctor Doom and Gloom to stand in. Dr. Doom and Gloom threw me through a loop after all the hope that Doctor “that British guy”, as my mom calls him, gave us. I must admit to a total emotional breakdown in the arms of my aunt around 7pm this evening. I can only handle so much. I just wish she was doing better. She was hitting all her markers and without warning started to backslide horribly. I have no idea what is going on. I am tired, I am emotionally drained, I miss my family, my house is a mess and while i want to spend 8 hours a day plus 2 hours drive time to be with my mom, I just don’t think I can keep up this schedule. It is breaking me already. I need to know when to say when and according to my Aunt, that time has arrived.

In other news, a tad twingy and lots of cervical mucous. Still only side effects. Oh and starting to break out again.

Happy thanksgiving to you all. I wish i was feeling a bit more thankful and hopeful. Unfortunately, and not to be a downer, that’s just not the case. I’m sorry. I hope you all had a wonderful day.

What Grief (Doesn’t) Look Like

Grief: That feeling, like I’m having my heart ripped out and being gutted, leaving a huge gaping hole where my stomach once was. It’s such a strong feeling I could fall to the ground a curl up in to a ball right there. But I don’t. You probably wouldn’t even notice that this feeling is moving through me  with such force, ripping me to shreds. A quick look may pass across my face, there may be a pause to my step, but otherwise you’d never know.