I woke up this morning to an email notification of a new blog post. Short, yet heartbreaking. Those two words that NONE of us want to hear: no heartbeat. I’m so so sorry, Belle you are such an amazing woman and supportive online friend. I’d love nothing more to be friends with you IRL and share a bottle of wine. You have my thoughts and my prayers and my heart today. Please know that, although I know that it’s not much.
Anyway. I guess having any sort of presence on the web, whether it be huge or, quite small (like myself) you open yourself to criticism. I started my blog in order to write about my struggles with infertility and to meet others who could sadly understand how isolating infertility can be. What I didn’t know at the time is that there would be judgement. And I HATE judgment. I was naive I guess in thinking that I wouldn’t attract people who hate ART. People who hate adoption. People who hate ME. Let me say that again. People who hate ME. But they don’t really hate ME. They may hate my words, or my verbiage, or my sometimes sarcastic attitude. But it can’t possibly, personally be ME. because they don’t know ME. If they did they would know that I am not a bad person.
I am quiet and I am shy. Sometimes I can be seen as standoffish (I love that word) but I’m not. I just don’t know what to say to you that would be interesting enough to make you like me. I love to read. I love children, but not those screamy, tear the curtains off the walls kind. Well at least in my home. If you have the screamy, destructive kind I will enjoy them in your home. I have a degree to work with children that is worthless in this economy. My children are the CENTER of my life. The core of my being. I try and go to church but I also value family time spent outside of church on Sundays. I don’t adore animals but I don’t beat and torture them. Ok so my neighbors hate us because we complained about their barking dog one to many times. (Hey I get it. You love your dog. Well, I love sleep).
I’m sometimes messy and I keep and save more “memories” than my husband would like. I’m sentimental in that way. I’m no hoarder, I swear, but I will be able to produce and share A’s first 100% spelling test. (Ok, I’m a bit hoarder-ish?) I hate laundry and unloading the dishwasher. I haven’t had curtains in my family room for a year because I just can’t decide which ones I want. I live in a pretty superficial part of the world and I am the anti. I’d love to move to a new state but would want to take my entire family with me. You have no idea how hard it is to get ALL of these people to agree on all moving to one place. I mean they already all decided to live here, so what are the chances of everyone agreeing again?!
I guess I’m telling you a little bit about myself, about some of the mundane every day me, so that if you chose to hate me, you are hating ME. Not just my words.
I have had SO MANY kind comments in the past week or so it is unbelievable. I am so thankful that all of you have brought so many smiles to my face, its almost been a continual smile! (save for the few burrow-y eyebrow, snarly faces I’ve been forced to make)
Thank you all, old friends and new!