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To My Friend Alicia

Alicia, over here wrote the kindest, sweetest post about lil ol’ me. I couldn’t comment on it because blogger hates me, so I had to write a post that hopefully she will see. Because I want her to know that I am thanking her from the bottom of my heart for her kindness and support. It’s not every day that you meet someone online or IRL, who is just so incredibly kind.

I am a complete wreck tonight since baby girl has her first visit in over a month with her father. It’s the first visit that I have had to take her to. I want to be supportive, I want to be kind. I want him to be in the right state of mind. Most of all I want this visit to be safe. The SW informed me today that I may have to sit in on the supervised visit, as baby girl might be anxious being handed off to him since she doesn’t really know him. Awkward much? But as I said, I want it to go as smoothly as possible. I do have empathy for the man. He is losing his child. I couldn’t imagine anything more terrible. Will he show? I don’t know. Apparently he is in a very bad state of mind at the moment. And as I said, that is why I hope that he is ok and that we have no troubles at the visit.
Wish me luck and pray for us. This is unknown territory for me and I am scared shitless

Response to Today’s Hate Mail

I think that for the people who know me in real life, and for those that read my blog, or share similar blogs, they are aware of the little bits of sarcasm, facetiousness, etc, that are used as a way to take a break from the seriousness of it all. For any of you wondering, no I would not seriously “steal” a child. However, I WOULD take in a child who has been
languishing in the foster care system for 9+ months due to neglectful and violent parenting. I don’t think that is in any way wrong. I don’t think it is wrong to develop a bond or love, clothe and feed a child who, at three months of age weighed only 9 pounds. I don’t think it is wrong of me at all to wake up twice a night for bottle feedings or to spend two weeks coaxing the child into the tub because she is terrified of water. I don’t think that it is wrong to rock her to sleep or to comfort her when she cries.

All of these things I have done are much more than anyone biologically related to her have done in her short life.

Adopting an abused and neglected child from the foster care system is an act of love. Pure and simple.

**UPDATED: also, anyone who claims that they have pure and perfect thoughts all of the time are liars. What separates the normal from the truly fucked up is that WE DON’T ACT ON OUR EVERY THOUGHT AND EMOTION.

**UPDATED #2: Also, while I don’t care for negativity on my blog I will also not hide from it. Hence the reason I approved the comment and responded.

May 8 Hearing

1) bio parents were given a 1 month extension to be tested for drugs. This supposedly is a common tactic to buy more time. Drugs aren’t really an issue in this case, the issue is neglect, competency, living in squalor and/or being homeless and a complete disregard for any case plan that was made.
2) bio mom claims to be moving out of state in 2 weeks to live with her mother, who was deemed unfit as a placement. It is my understanding that if she moves she is forfeiting her services, as the county will not pay for services if she is not residing in the county. Logical.
3) neither parent has a job. Both are homeless.
4) bio mom is leaving bio dad behind. An obvious disconnect.
5) parents did not ask after her well-being. Mom did not ask for visit before her “move”.
6) both parents were quite casual and not overly concerned with the proceedings.
What does all of this mean? I don’t know, really. I wish i did..

Big Surprise, Little Package

I haven’t written in a long time. A SUPER long time. I tried to for a while, but just couldn’t. Oddly, it didn’t have so much to do with my feelings as it did an IRL person reading my blog and using it against me. That shut me down. I took it too personally I guess.

Well a lot had happened since then. Namely a certain 11 month old baby girl who is, I think, currently spit painting my fire place glass as I sit and watch. (don’t worry it’s a completely enclosed model).
Anyway, baby girl came to us nearly three weeks ago out of the foster care system. (After only 4 days notice! Holy cow!) She was tiny, not crawling and timid. She spent 3 days with her face in my neck. It took two weeks to get her in a bath, and 1.5 weeks to get her to allow me to sponge bathe her without her screaming. She never stops eating. She eats like it’s her last meal. She might think it is. I don’t know. Either way, baby girl seems to have no problem bonding, is NOW crawling (just 3 days after the SW said she was going to order physical therapy to work with her and get her going). She loves bath time. She never stops smiling. She is still timid with new people but warms up. She now has elbow dimples and fat rings on her legs, and her skin is a healthy non-sickly white color. She has cheeks. I don’t know if it’s possible but even her hair seems healthier. Basically, she looks like the almost 1 year old she should look like, not like the infant she did look like.
Today is the first hearing to start terminating the bios parental rights. I feel too much empathy for them my husband says, as she was severely neglected the first (nearly) three months of her life and has been in foster care for nearly nine.
I am freaking out. I want to know that today’s hearing has gone in our favor. That her parents, who went from living in squalor to now being homeless, her parents who have not worked a single portion of her case plan, her parents who have been MIA for the last three weeks, will not get a second chance. They have not even tried.
I am living in fear that a family member will show up out of the blue. But then again, where were they the last 9 months that she has been in foster care? As my dad said last night, in any “normal” family the situation would have been handled before baby girl even got removed. In a “normal” family, baby girl would not have sat in foster care for nearly nine of her 11 months.
For me, I can’t see how someone could NOT WANT this child. I can’t see how anyone could harm a hair on her head, or turn a blind eye and let her sit in a foster home for months on end. And maybe it’s because I’m think as myself, that I am terrified.
Maybe if I learned to think like them, I could understand how they don’t care. Thank G-d I don’t think like them. I can’t even imagine.
I know every child SHOULD be with their birth parents. But let’s face it. They’re not competent. And either the grandparents aren’t competent or they don’t care.
I care.
My husband cares.
My son cares.
PLEASE send thoughts, energy and prayers this way if you get a chance. We are in love and we want to dedicate our lives to baby girl.
We don’t want to lose her.