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Tag Archives: emotion

Sweet Dreams are Made of This

I have been having some crazy dreams. And I dream. A LOT. I’m one of those people that dreams every night, and remembers my dreams, but really tries not to be one of those hey listen, I had this dream last night! people. Those people can be really annoying. (Sorry if you’re one of them). I usually only share my dreams when they are really over the top. Like the time I dreamt that I was an assasin but every time I got called on a mission I had to battle other assasins to the death and the last two standing had to dispose of the other assasin’s bodies together, and then get on with the mission. It was very stressful cus you never knew if you were going to be going on a mission or be dead, and it just kept happening over and over in different scenerios. (If this sounds like a totally awesome movie plot to you-because it IS-don’t even THINK about it! It was my dream and I’m the one that totally kicked ass and woke up tired as hell the next morning from all the totally stealth ass-kicking I did. Its my story).

Ok but my assasin dream was not the point of this post, so let me get back on track here. In the past week I have had some symbolic dreams. And again, I’m not a huge dream analyzer either, but these were a little to symbolic to not notice how symboic they were. I will share with you one.

We are driving along in my old car, which happens to be a suburban made to seat 8. In it was husband, son, me, my mom and my sister. Husband is driving and drives us right off of a bridge and plunges us into water. Husband somehow manages to escape car before it hits the water…As the car is filling with water and we are all drowning I am lucky enough that my power window still rolls down. (Hey, its a dream). So I roll down the window and I pull out son first, and bring him to the top. Then I go back down and manage to save both mom and sister at the same time. AND THEN, because I haven’t been heroic enough, I go BACK DOWN and save son’s blankies and doll. And then I wake up. So. In this drowning dream, I manage to save myself and three other people plus two blankets and a doll.


  • To dream that you are drowning indicates that you are feeling
    overwhelmed by emotions.
  • If your survive the drowning, then it means that a waking relationship or
    situation will ultimately survive the turmoil. 
  • To see someone drowning in your dream suggests that you are becoming
    too deeply involved in something that is beyond your control. Alternatively, it
    represents a sense of loss in your own identity. You are unable to differentiate
    who you are anymore.

  • To dream that you rescue someone from drowning indicates that you
    have successfully acknowledged certain emotions and characteristics that is
    symbolized by the drowning victim.

HOLY SYMBOLISM BATMAN!! My drowning dream had ALL of these elements. I was drowning, other people were drowning, I saved myself, AND I saved everyone else! And yes, I am overwhelmed by my emotions. On a daily basis I still have at least one completely overwhelming moment in which every particle in my body siezes with such a profound hurt, that I can’t move. And I very obviously am involved in something that is beyond my control. Hello? Infertility? IVF? I don’t think its possible that I have ever felt this out of control in my life. And maybe I am struggling with my identity just a little because of all of this. I mean the lines do become a little blurred when entrenched in something so emotional and so raw. But the good news is, because I survived the drowning myself, I will ultimately survive the turmoil….So says the Dream Dictionary anyway.



So Far Today…

So far today:

  1. I started my first period since my miscarriage, which kinda did a number on the ol’ mental state.
  2. Found the ziplock baggie (that I hid from myself) containing all of the sticks I pee’d on when I was obsessed with making sure I was still pregnant. Blow #2.
  3. Had one major emotional breakdown on the freeway driving to work.
  4. Read an article posted by the NY times about ART. Many of the commenters ignorant comments pushed on my already pushed buttons… It wasnt the article itself, but the comments. Blow #3. (AGAIN! I DO NOT WANT A PUPPY, I WANT ANOTHER FREAKIN KID!)
  5. Posted on blog about annoyingness of fertile people insisting that infertile people take up the world’s orphans. (Heres an idea, Hey! You! Fertile Person! YOU’RE ALLOWED TO SKIP THE BIOLOGICAL PARENTING AND ADOPT TOO!)
  6. Recieved comment from assassinbug, who I quoted as having one of the most angering posts. Enjoyed receiving this comment as it was intelligent, and while an opposing point of view, it was not full of suggestions about puppies and orphans.
  7. Responded to assassinbug that most of us infertiles don’t chose to be so. I know, weird, right? I actually don’t want to have lesions in my uterus or for my husband to have wonky sperm. Also let assassinbug know that I would LOVE to adopt one of the world’s orphans and have actively been trying, but I live in a state that really doesn’t allocate a whole ton of money to placement services, and therefore, I am at a stand still. Hopefully this assassinbug and I can call a truce. The fertile vs. The Infertile. The Logical vs. The emotional.

Just another day, right?