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Oops I forgot a title

I’m feeling very crampy today. Very pressure-y. Very endometriosis-y. I don’t like it. Not ONE bit. It actually promted me to finally make the call to make my WTF appointment. I am on birth control to keep the endo from growing until I decide to cycle again. Why am I feeling crampy, pressure-y and endometriosis-y one and a half weeks before my “week off”? Anyway, I did call, and hearing the sound of the receptionists voice very nearly brought me to tears. How much time have I spent on the phone with her? Wasn’t she there and bringing me tissues when not only did I learn of the “fetal demise” but had to immediately get on the phone and start fighting with my insurance company rather than allowing the news to sink in? Yup, she has been there through it all, good and bad. And just her voice brought me back to that. The good and the bad. The hope and the heartbreak. So anyway, I will be going in on Oct 4th at 11:30am to FINALLY speak with my doctor. That is one think I can say, I kinda mind about this clinic. I have only seen my doctor 3 times. The initial consultation, the laparoscopy day and the Embryo Transfer day. (The Egg Retrieval was performed by his partner, so technially, I did see a doc, but not MINE). He didn’t even come in when I learned that I was miscarrying from the NP. Is it wrong that that rubs me the wrong way? So ya, anyway, thats the day. Seeing as it is at 11:30 I will probably end up going on my own because it is harder for husband to break away mid-day, especially since his job takes him through three different counties in Southern California, with the county of my clinic being his least visited, so it could be kinda hard for him. Thats ok though, seeing as I’m pretty much a reproductive specialist myself these days, I think I can handle it.

Anyway, anyone with some good advice on questions to ask, I’m open to suggestions! I want to cover all my bases and hopefully have a successful next try!!

IVF #1

I know I haven’t really said much about my cycle. I guess I haven’t really been ready. But as I am feeling more healed and nearing a place where I do want to try again, I think it’d be good for me to write about my cycle. I think I got off pretty easy doing a short antagonist protocol. It wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t near the horror stories  had read about either.

  1. Begin 81mg baby asprin, prenatal vitamin and 4mg folic acid daily.
  2. 05/27-6/9 (began day 3 of cycle) Birth Control Pill to “quiet the ovaries”.
  3. Baseline Ultrasound 06/08: one small cyst. Blood test to see if it is functional or hormone driven. Call at 3pm tells me it is functional and we are a go.
  4. Beginning 6/13: 300 IU Bravelle every night at 6pm.
  5. 06/17: uterine lining is 3 stripe, 9mm. Perfect…Afternoon call informs me that I am to cut Bravelle to 150IU and begin Menopur and ganirelix.
  6. 06/20:TRIGGER, Ovidrel
  7. 06/22:Egg retrieval, 18 retrieved, 17 fertilized by ICSI, 8 made it to blast on day 5.
  8. Begin Prometrium 200mg capsules twice a day, and Endometrin suppositories twice a day.
  9. 6/27- Embryo Transfer. Transferred 2 Grade AA embryos. Prednisone 20mg for 3 days, bhusand and I both took Zithromax 5o0mg for 3 days.

If you look to the left of the embryos, you can see a mark that indicated the two that were transferred.                       We called them Hanz and Franz.

  1. 07/08: Beta #1: 176
  2. 07/11: Beta #2: 874
  3. 07/25: Ultrasound #1, “Good Heartbeat, size “on target”
  4. 08/01: Ultrasound #2, Heartbeat has dropped to 60bpm, no growth since last ultrasound
  5. 08/05: D&C

So ya. anyway, thats how it went. Like I said, the protocol wasn’t that bad. I was uncomfortable to say the least. It got to the point where it hurt to walk. I couldn’t eat but I gained a good 10lbs while on the meds. It was a bit lonely, because we didn’t tell many people and husband works a lot.  I’m ashamed to admit I spent a good part of my 2ww (meaning all waking hours) googling IVF, pregnancy symptoms, miscarriage symptoms, etc…

I didn’t use Lupron, which I was glad about, as most of the horror stories that I had read involved Lupron. But for the most part it was text-book. Everything went exactly as it was planned. Not a single problem. Which, in my cynical, half glass empty head, I saw as a foreboding sign. It CAN’T work out well if it goes perfectly right? I still don’t know what went wrong. I probably never will. I was told the usual, “most like a chromosomal abnormality”. I chose not to do the testing because I was told that there was such a good chance that it would be inconclusive because the fetal demise occured at only around 6weeks. Also, I couldn’t bear the thought of knowing if it would have been a boy a girl. That’s the real truth behind not doing the chromosomal testing. I just couldn’t bear to know what it would have been.

I want to do an FET. I have 6 little embryos waiting for me. A few good, a few fair quality. I want to try again. But I am SO SCARED. I’m afraid to even call the doctors office to make the WTF appointment that I haven’t even had yet. But I’m getting there. I am definately getting there.