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Thanksgiving 2011

The past few days have been beyond rough. Especially since the regular doctors left for the holiday and allowed Doctor Doom and Gloom to stand in. Dr. Doom and Gloom threw me through a loop after all the hope that Doctor “that British guy”, as my mom calls him, gave us. I must admit to a total emotional breakdown in the arms of my aunt around 7pm this evening. I can only handle so much. I just wish she was doing better. She was hitting all her markers and without warning started to backslide horribly. I have no idea what is going on. I am tired, I am emotionally drained, I miss my family, my house is a mess and while i want to spend 8 hours a day plus 2 hours drive time to be with my mom, I just don’t think I can keep up this schedule. It is breaking me already. I need to know when to say when and according to my Aunt, that time has arrived.

In other news, a tad twingy and lots of cervical mucous. Still only side effects. Oh and starting to break out again.

Happy thanksgiving to you all. I wish i was feeling a bit more thankful and hopeful. Unfortunately, and not to be a downer, that’s just not the case. I’m sorry. I hope you all had a wonderful day.

So Far Today…

So far today:

  1. I started my first period since my miscarriage, which kinda did a number on the ol’ mental state.
  2. Found the ziplock baggie (that I hid from myself) containing all of the sticks I pee’d on when I was obsessed with making sure I was still pregnant. Blow #2.
  3. Had one major emotional breakdown on the freeway driving to work.
  4. Read an article posted by the NY times about ART. Many of the commenters ignorant comments pushed on my already pushed buttons… It wasnt the article itself, but the comments. Blow #3. (AGAIN! I DO NOT WANT A PUPPY, I WANT ANOTHER FREAKIN KID!)
  5. Posted on blog about annoyingness of fertile people insisting that infertile people take up the world’s orphans. (Heres an idea, Hey! You! Fertile Person! YOU’RE ALLOWED TO SKIP THE BIOLOGICAL PARENTING AND ADOPT TOO!)
  6. Recieved comment from assassinbug, who I quoted as having one of the most angering posts. Enjoyed receiving this comment as it was intelligent, and while an opposing point of view, it was not full of suggestions about puppies and orphans.
  7. Responded to assassinbug that most of us infertiles don’t chose to be so. I know, weird, right? I actually don’t want to have lesions in my uterus or for my husband to have wonky sperm. Also let assassinbug know that I would LOVE to adopt one of the world’s orphans and have actively been trying, but I live in a state that really doesn’t allocate a whole ton of money to placement services, and therefore, I am at a stand still. Hopefully this assassinbug and I can call a truce. The fertile vs. The Infertile. The Logical vs. The emotional.

Just another day, right?