I just feel fat. Plain and simple. I managed only a minimal amount of body inspections today (looking for signs) because I was so busy researching clinical trials for colon cancer. Really that kind of business can take your mind off of any other situations you might feel are stressful. Worried about whether my FET worked or not? Hell no! Who has the time when I have to worry about who is going to pay for my mother’s cancer treatments? So like I said, only like a dozen or so of the “do I feel sick? Was I just dizzy? Am I abnormally tired? Do my boobs hurt more”? Once overs. I didn’t really even feel nauseous today, until now, after eating dinner. Yesterday I felt like something had been happening. Today I feel more like it tried to happen but just didn’t make it. The same ol’ 2 week wait up and down ride I guess.
Tag Archives: 2WW
I know I haven’t really said much about my cycle. I guess I haven’t really been ready. But as I am feeling more healed and nearing a place where I do want to try again, I think it’d be good for me to write about my cycle. I think I got off pretty easy doing a short antagonist protocol. It wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t near the horror stories had read about either.
- Begin 81mg baby asprin, prenatal vitamin and 4mg folic acid daily.
- 05/27-6/9 (began day 3 of cycle) Birth Control Pill to “quiet the ovaries”.
- Baseline Ultrasound 06/08: one small cyst. Blood test to see if it is functional or hormone driven. Call at 3pm tells me it is functional and we are a go.
- Beginning 6/13: 300 IU Bravelle every night at 6pm.
- 06/17: uterine lining is 3 stripe, 9mm. Perfect…Afternoon call informs me that I am to cut Bravelle to 150IU and begin Menopur and ganirelix.
- 06/20:TRIGGER, Ovidrel
- 06/22:Egg retrieval, 18 retrieved, 17 fertilized by ICSI, 8 made it to blast on day 5.
- Begin Prometrium 200mg capsules twice a day, and Endometrin suppositories twice a day.
- 6/27- Embryo Transfer. Transferred 2 Grade AA embryos. Prednisone 20mg for 3 days, bhusand and I both took Zithromax 5o0mg for 3 days.
If you look to the left of the embryos, you can see a mark that indicated the two that were transferred. We called them Hanz and Franz.
- 07/08: Beta #1: 176
- 07/11: Beta #2: 874
- 07/25: Ultrasound #1, “Good Heartbeat, size “on target”
- 08/01: Ultrasound #2, Heartbeat has dropped to 60bpm, no growth since last ultrasound
- 08/05: D&C
So ya. anyway, thats how it went. Like I said, the protocol wasn’t that bad. I was uncomfortable to say the least. It got to the point where it hurt to walk. I couldn’t eat but I gained a good 10lbs while on the meds. It was a bit lonely, because we didn’t tell many people and husband works a lot. I’m ashamed to admit I spent a good part of my 2ww (meaning all waking hours) googling IVF, pregnancy symptoms, miscarriage symptoms, etc…
I didn’t use Lupron, which I was glad about, as most of the horror stories that I had read involved Lupron. But for the most part it was text-book. Everything went exactly as it was planned. Not a single problem. Which, in my cynical, half glass empty head, I saw as a foreboding sign. It CAN’T work out well if it goes perfectly right? I still don’t know what went wrong. I probably never will. I was told the usual, “most like a chromosomal abnormality”. I chose not to do the testing because I was told that there was such a good chance that it would be inconclusive because the fetal demise occured at only around 6weeks. Also, I couldn’t bear the thought of knowing if it would have been a boy a girl. That’s the real truth behind not doing the chromosomal testing. I just couldn’t bear to know what it would have been.
I want to do an FET. I have 6 little embryos waiting for me. A few good, a few fair quality. I want to try again. But I am SO SCARED. I’m afraid to even call the doctors office to make the WTF appointment that I haven’t even had yet. But I’m getting there. I am definately getting there.