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Category Archives: Endometriosis

Praying for Health

Is it fair to be mad at someone for being sick? Endometriosis runs in my family. Collectively we are an endometriosis nightmare and many of us wear the battle scars of painful periods, miscarriages and repeated surgeries.
Then there is my mother. In the hospital right now because she has for many years refused to care for herself in anything more than a holistic manner. I am all for holistic healing. I have participated in my share of holistic remedies. However, some things are just too severe. So now she sits (is hopefully sleeping still) in a hospital bed waiting for a day of biopsies and MRIs and surgery scheduling to begin. I pray that it is endometriosis that has attacked her colon and is not something else.
We will cross that bridge if we must come to it.
So here’s the anger part. As soon as she is better in going to kick her ass. Im being kind by not pummeling her up and down the hospital corridors. You see, for months and months as we have watched her turning pale and withering away, we have BEGGED her to see a real doctor. Myself, my brother, grandparents and aunts. We have all begged her repeatedly. PLEASE quit it with this holistic practitioner and go see a real doctor. She is not helping you, you are wasting away.
So it has to come to severe dehydration, malnourishment, severe pain and many other symptoms I will spare her the embarrassment of relaying, as well as CT scans, MRIs, biopsies and the very concerned faces of the doctors and nurses in the ER to finally get her the help she so desperately needs.
I am angry that she let it come to this. That she has treated her body this way. That she wouldn’t allow those of us who love her to help her. That she wouldn’t listen. I hope she is strong when she is released because she has 3 children, 5 sisters and 2 parents who are all PISSED that she wouldn’t allow us to help her sooner. That she didn’t get help sooner. That’s 10 people who very much want to see her get strong and healthy so that, as we’ve told her, we can all take turns knocking some sense into her.
Today is going to be a long, hard day. I pray that the doctors find little more than some severe endometriosis or some colon blockage and that we can remove it and move on. I pray.

Family that reads this, if you were unaware of the situation please let her tell you…

I must get up now, this morning I have my baseline ultrasound, which conveniently, is right around the corner from the hospital my mom is in. It’s going to be a long day, a day of which started only moments ago with an already there Lupron headache. Fingers crossed I have “quiet” ovaries.

One last thing, although they’ll never read this I want to send my condolences to a long ago high school friend who’s mother passed away from cancer this morning. Her mother was the school registrar and would on occasion let us slide on the tardies by slipping us a hall pass. I remember her fondly.


I HATE the pill

So I think I’ve decided to go off the pill. I was going to try switching but I don’t think I want too. I can’t stand the acne. I can’t stand the bloating. I can’t stand the fact that I’m on the pill. Period. So maybe we only have a 3-5% chance of conceiving naturally, but aren’t I giving us a 0% chance by being on the pill? And I was gonna go off in November anyway. So what difference is 1 month gonna really make on my endo? I REALLY need to work on my eating habits and get back to acupuncture. I think that’s a healthier way of dealing and probably just as effective. And with side effects such as feeling good, (hopefully) losing weight, having clear skin, and being more relaxed and energized? Well who wouldn’t rather go that route?

I’ll Be Hanging the Shame Curtain Now…

How does one go about trying to start a “lifestyle” change diet without throwing everything in the pantry and fridge out and having to spend a ton of money starting over?

Weeeellll, so far, for tomorrow night, I have decided on roasted green beans (I have the green beans and all the herbs except one that I will have to pick up) and a salad with home made tomato basil viniagrette (I have the lettuce, etc, just need to get one or two ingredients for the dressing) to go along with spagetti (turkey and I will use the small amount of gluten free noodles that I have in the cupboard for my portion). This is a brand new cook-book and I haven’t made these things before, so I’ll let you know if they’re any good. Anyway, I figure that since dinner is usually my biggest meal, the one that I sit down to with family, I will start there. If I can get at least my portions of dinner gluten/dairy/sugar free, that will be a good start. I guess I’ll work backwards from there. I usually bring lean cuisenes to work with me and I just bought a bunch so I’m gonna have to go through those before  can start working on that meal. They’re just to expensive to trash. PLUS, I really want to try and stick with this, and I know myself and I know that if I try and go all crazy all at once, I will be less likely to do so. It a pretty hard core change to try and follow this. Thats why I’ve never done it before. Because looking at the Endometriosis Diet list, after you exclude all the bad food, it really doesn’t seem like there is anything left. Especially not for a person that could live off of bean and cheese burritos.

Anyway, the other thing that I’ve decided to face today is that I am depressed. Like seriously depressed. Wow. Infertile AND Depressed. I’ve got TWO things goin on that one should NEVER talk about or tell people! Someone hang the shame curtain… I can’t get through a day without crying, multiple times, I can’t get through a day without telling myself that I am no good, that I am defective, that I will never have what I want most in the world. And it’s getting worse. Not better. This not normal behavior, but at least I realize this. I have struggled with depression in the past, and I can honestly say that this is far worse than anything I have been through before. I made a doctor appointment today. The soonest they can get me in Thursday, but hopefully Thursday I’ll be able to come up with a plan to get myself out of this fog. So not only will I be talking to doc about switching my BC, which is causing extreme acne as well as what I believe to be some sort of extra-psycho PMS, I will also be speaking to her about anti-depressants. My RE said to let my doc know that I will be trying to get pregnant probably at the beginning of the year, and that they should prescribe accordingly. Then I will just need to let my RE know what is prescribed so that they know if weaning off of an anti-depressant will be a part of my next cycle. One major thing that I am trying NOT to freak out about is weight gain with the anti-depressants. I had a hard time with Lexarpo in the past and when I switched to Wellbutrin because it didn’t have the weight gain effect, I found the Wellbutrin to be much less effective. (But I lost weight!) Thats another reason i REALLY want to get this healthy eating thing under my belt. I know, I know, don’t worry about weight, worry about getting healthy. Easy to say, but I know that gaining more weight will more than likely cause me to be more upset, feel worse about myself and have even lower self-esteem. I know that I have to be careful. Which is why I ate cheeseburger for dinner. (Wow! This chick really is nutso, she just went on and on about eating healthy and needing to feel good about herself and is now saying that healthy eating is why she ate a cheeseburger!) No but really, I ate a stupid burger and fries for dinner completely wiping out any good my crap work out did me today (STUPID ENDO PAIN!) and giving myself what will hopefully be my last dalliance with red meat and fried foods for a while.  Plus, I spent most of my day crying. It’s obvious that a burger and fries was the only reasonable dinner choice to restore and replenish whatever it is that your body loses when you spend all day in tears.

I was able to lay down with a heating pad, castor oil pack for an hour and now I have just the heating pad on my back. When I get the kid into bed I’ll be taking an epsom salt bath to hopefully relieve some of the tension in my lower back. Then I’ll be crawling into bed and hopefully sleeping the night through, waking up rested and able to actually pull myself out of bed and make it though a day without acting like some psycho PMS monster. Lofty goals, I know….

WHAT is going on here? At the gym and can hardly walk. Regular doc appt on thur, RE appt on the 4th. Do I need to throw in an OB appt too? This CAN’T be normal! Maybe I just don’t remember since it’s been so long since I’ve been on BC for the endo? HOLY CRAP, OW!

Welcome to Crazy Town, Population 1

Holy Wow. I am a raving lunatic today. Like a full-fledged crazy. What triggered it? I have NO IDEA. I think maybe the fact that my cramps are getting progressively worse. Like It hurts to stand up all the way straight kinda worse. I just don’t want them. Don’t want what they represent. Don’t want them.

Does anyone have any idea, can birth control pills cause extreme insanity during PMS? Like PMS x 1000? I mean beside the acne they’re causing, and the extreme difficulty in losing weight even with watching my diet and running 3-4 miles a day. But ok, the acne and the weight “plateu” I can deal with. This insanity? This calling my husband on the phone and making to him listen to me cry because I have no idea why I’m crying and all I know is that I can’t stop and that I’m drowning in emotions I can’t even begin to name muchless explain? I can’t handle this. I’m sure he can’t handle this. I just want to go home and go to bed. In fact, I think I will. Or at least go home to a heating pad. I want to go home and be happy, dammit, and smile and have a good time with my family and not feel like I am doing everything I can to keep my head above water.

Ok so on a lighter note, anyone with endo ever buy the endo-resolve (or similar) endometriosis diet book? Worth the money? Anyone have any brilliant body changes by changing thier diet or is it all a bunch of hooplah? Oh ok, I’ll admit it, I’m at the point that I’m all about hooplah and trying ANYTHING that might work. I mean hello, my bathroom counter looks like the vitamin isle at Walgreens. Who’s blog was it that I read that she called the unborn baby psychic? Can I get that number? =) AYYYYYYGAAAADDDDD… See? NUTS, I tell you! (no offense to the unborn baby psychic caller-I totally feel you). And then, there is an acupuncturist in my town that actually acts as a medium for your body and allows your body to speak to you. I went to her once on accident not knowing that my body would have so much to say (or that the body-medium thing would even happen) but now? I may go back. I’d like to have a little chit-chat with this freaking endometriosis and tell it to back the hell down, while also finding out what the hell it exactly has against me to be causing me so much pain?

OMG. anyway, like I said, Crazytown, population 1, thats me…