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I have approximately 2, maybe 3 hours a day to get done everything that I need to get done. Otherwise, as I try to complete tasks, I have a 13 month old clutching my calves, screaming “Ouch, OWWWWW MOMMA, Ouch.” Ouch is the new go-to word when she is not getting exactly what she wants. And exactly what she wants is to be sitting on my lap or to be held. And as much as I try, that is not possible 24/7. There are toilets to clean and carpets to vaccuum and dishes to be put away. So as it is, all I hear these days is ouch.

She is getting better with noises but is still downright terrified of the vaccuum. But I need to vaccuum frequently, as there is nothing she finds that doesn’t go in her mouth. It is a constant battle to one, keep things out of her mouth, and two, fish the things out that she manages to get in. We’re talking anything.

Last week I took both kids, along with my mom and 12 year old sister, on a road trip to Northern California. My Aunt had captained a Relay for Life team, in honor of my mom’s battle with cancer, in her home town. We went, as did my Grandparents and several aunts and cousins.

 Ok, here is where I quickly get my vhenting out of the way. July has been and continues to be an Expensive month for us this year. With the purchase of a new car, my trip with the kids, husband’s upcoming trip to Laughlin, NV for my brother’s bachelor party, and then buying what we need in tuxes and dresses and then a gift for the wedding itself, it has been a lot. I had a budget for my trip. It was minimal, but I made it work and I stuck to it. Enough for necessities and a couple of souvineers for the kids. Nothing for myself but glasses of wine with my dinners. I used my last 10 dollars to buy a latte and a chocolate milk in the last hour of the drive home. As it was known, husband would be needing money for Laughlin. The idea was that he would kick back on his spending while I was away to make both trips work. Let’s face it, taking two trips in one month is a strain on any family, but the relay was important as is my brother’s bachelor party. Husband did not stick to his budget. As I’m balancing our checkbook this morning, I begin seeing all these charges. Gas money for the boat. Sushi. A winery dinner. A visit to a wine bar. These things are not cheap and they are not things that you do, each night of the week when you are on a budget. And so, here I am, once again, trying to make it all work. Husband has no concept of the word “budget.”  It isn’t in his vocabulary. It is in my vocabulary, but is more often replaced with “HOLY SHIT” and “Don’t worry I’ll make it work.” And I am totally in “HOLYSHITDONTWORRYI’LLMAKEITWORK” mode right now. And I am frustrated.

I am lucky enough to stay at home. I was substitute teaching a few times a week before the baby came, but now I’m 100% at home. Husband wants me at home. I want to go back to subbing a few days a week, but he doesn’t feel that it is worth it. But I hate not contributing at least something financially. And I know that I’ve complained about it before, but I have applied for job after job (I say that loosely as this summer there have been 9 NINE jobs in my field come available) and I haven’t gotten a call back, except once, while I was up North and they wanted to do the interview the next day.

I would like to branch out of the field of education, but I need to have the sort of flexibility that being in education gives. I didn’t adopt my baby to work in an office and have her be in daycare from 7am to 6pm each and every day. I’d like to start looking for some writing jobs but do not know where to start and do not know how to tell if the jobs are legit or not.  And then, of course, my old friend, self-doubt, rears her ugly head. I am not a good enough writer. I can’t do it. So, does anyone know of any legit sites that I can find information?

All right well the baby is awake and the ouches haven’t started yet but I imagine that they will be starting soon! I’ll be following along with you all and routing for each and every one of you!




About Tricia #GrowingUpNelson

First grandaughter, mother of two, lover of books and bad music, aspiring to be a mostly vegan always vegetarian. Nearly 365 days Xanax free and hating it. #GrowingUpNelson

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