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Here’s the thing. I feel like someone is going to come and take her because I can not fathom turning your back on a child. Her grandparents? Why haven’t they stepped in and taken her yet? I mean months and months and months ago when she was taken into custody? I can not for the life of me wrap my head around it. And that is making this hard on me. It is making the fear stick around and gnaw at me.

Here’s the other thing. How does one resume “normal” intimacy after back to back miscarriages, then 2 six week periods with only a one week break in between, and then suddenly bringing home an almost one year old?

Husband and I have been getting along so well, but I know that he is frustrated with me. I can not help what the ENDO does to my body. I can not help that I had 2 miscarriages in five months time, not to mention all the crap that IVF puts your body through. I can not help that when he acts like an asshole because of it that turns off any type of “want” I might be feeling. It’s like he has an idea, I’m looking at reality, and we need to find somewhere to meet in the middle.
How do you guys do it?


About Tricia #GrowingUpNelson

First grandaughter, mother of two, lover of books and bad music, aspiring to be a mostly vegan always vegetarian. Nearly 365 days Xanax free and hating it. #GrowingUpNelson

8 responses »

  1. I am not a shining example of marriage success these days so I really have little advice other than try to make 15 minutes a day for just the two of you. Even if it is just meeting in the bathroom to brush your teeth together, stand close, smile at one another and pause for a hug and to say ‘I love you’ (after you finish brushing, or while if you like comedic value). No matter how angry/sad/mad I am, I am striving for 15 minutes of connection a day. Sending you lots of strength during this tough time.

  2. How do we do it? We don’t. Well, we connect, through affection throughout the day, but as far as sex? Twice since the New Year. Despite my resolutions to the contrary. Fortunately we’re on the same page as far as being way too tired to want it, usually.
    I’ve learned that it means a lot to him that I stop what I’m doing and give him a good hug before he leaves the house in the morning.

  3. Belle’s suggestion is a good one. I have another one: scheduled sex. Even if you’re not in the mood. Romantic, nope. But necessary.

    I’m sorry that you’re in a scary place with the adoption. It’s not easy. I don’t know why the grandparents haven’t stepped forward, but I’m willing to guess at a number of reasons (they may feel that this is the best thing for this little girl, they may feel that they’ve raised their children and this is not their job, etc., etc.). Either way, don’t focus on that. Focus on getting yourself through this process.

    • Thank you guys! All such great advice! It’s not easy going through all of this and for a while I just couldn’t even do it because “there was no point” if we couldn’t even make a baby. Horrible attitude, I know. I got passed all of that and now I’m just flat out exhausted.
      As far as the grandparents? I try not to think too much but on the days the SW visits it brings it all front and center. They aren’t too worried about it but they are not the ones who have bonded so closely with her! However, every day that goes by I breathe a little easier because you’d think any person that wanted her would have done so by now, or would’ve reacted immediately to the last hearing’s judgement. Anyway, thank you ladies again. It’s a shitty place to be in but it’s nice to have people who understand.

  4. Endo sucks so bad, making everything so freaking painful. And throw infertility on top of that and you’ve got a real rockin’ sex life. Honestly, my advice is to make yourself a routine, without ever letting him know it’s routine (he’ll only want “spontaneity”, but honestly, we’ve got busy life and need to plan!). Start small. This too will pass and you will once again have a happy marriage. 🙂

    We’ve all been there!!!


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