We all have our lists of things people shouldn’t say to an infertile. Things that bother us, make us sad, or just plain piss us off. I think I’ve posted a few in my day. Well heres another one for ya. And in my opinion, and possibly due to my current situation, it’s a doozy.
“You’re being a Debbie Downer. A lot of people have it worse than you do. You’re down in the dumps right now, but you won’t always feel this way”.
Ok. Well meant pep talk? Maybe. Upsetting and hurtful? Definitely. I’ll be the first to admit I’m not the person you wanna call to go dancing with right now. I’ll be honest, you probably don’t even want to call me to go to lunch or to grab a cup of coffee. And yes, a lot of people have it worse than I do. Many of you have miscarried far more times than my measly two in five months. Many of you can’t even get that far. Many of you have family members that are gravely ill or who have died of cancer or other sad and horrible diseases. Many people in this world go hungry, have lost thier homes, have lost everything. But this isn’t a contest. This isn’t a game. There is no, “my grief is greater than your grief because”…There is no “I deserve to be more sad than you because”…
I am sad. I am heartbroken. I am sick with morning sickness as my HCG levels are just beginning to wane. I am waiting to miscarry what could have been my baby but is not. Yes, this pain will ease. I know from experience that it will be acute for many days and then over time, it will fade into a dull ache, a fleeting thought. I will not always be this person who finds it hard to smile and who doesn’t want to get out of bed. But the pain will ALWAYS be there. This year, I now get to experience two estimated due dates that will come and go with no baby being placed into my arms. There will be more pain. And I have the right to experience that pain. If you don’t like it, that is fine. Don’t visit my blog. Don’t invite me out for drinks. Stop follwing me on Twitter. Don’t text me and ask how I’m doing if you aren’t going to like the truth. What I am feeling right now is real and it is raw. Do not belittle it. These past few days have not been easy for me, nor will the next few coming up. So I guess what I am saying is, excuse the fuck out of me if you don’t like the way I feel. I am running on empty, presenting myself in the best way that I can to my husband and to my seven year old son. That alone is hard but he is what will get me through this once again. I will get better for him. But I will not get better for you. So don’t expect it. If I don’t answer your calls or your texts its because I KNOW that I am not in the best shape I can be in right now. I KNOW that I have to save and use every ounce of happy for my family. It’s not that I am being rude or nasty, I just need my cacoon right now so that I can heal. DON’T butt into my time and space and throw your two cents around. Now is not the time and It’s not appreciated.