Well I have 3 positive First Responces and 1 positive Clearblue Easy digital. I’m nothing if not obsessive. I just can’t believe this is happening. Why oh why did I have to hit a number under 100? All along I’ve been telling myself that if it is ment to be it’ll happen. But now? I’m not feeling that zen about it anymore. No. now, I just want it to freaking happen. I keep asking myself if my number would be 100 or over today, if I had waited until 10 days post transfer, the day that they normally test. She even said “well we tested a day early”…I FEEL pregnant. I’m still completely sick to my stomach. My boobs are still all veiny. I woke up to pee once last night. (Thats my monitor. God help me if I dont wake up to pee one of these nights). So I spent $33.00 on 3 First Responses and 3 digitals, all of which I’m sure will be gone by Monday…Tomorrow. I KNOW that I can not control this. I know that whatever happens is beyond me.
Ok, I know I sound like a broken record and I know that there is nothing anyone can do or say to reassure me that it will end up fine. Because nobody knows if it will end up find. I could’ve gotten a kick ass first beta and still have it end in miscarriage. I’ve been there before. I want this so badly, but I don’t know if I can do it again. I don’t know if I can go through this emotional wringer. I don’t know if I can spend yet more money and put my family in to yet more debt over it. Maybe it’s just not meant to be. My gosh I am so glad that I didn’t do this the entire 2ww and that I was able to hold off the crazy. I’m telling you, the wait between beta 1 and beta 2 is far more torturous that the 2ww.