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Morning Rant: I’m not Normal

Ya I’m behaving In a totally sane and rational manner. That is if sitting in your car on a freeway offramp bawling hysterically is normal. I feel like some of you may actually say, “Oh you’re cool, I do that all the time”. Maybe it’s a parking lot or a subway platform or a bus bench, but I can’t be the only one who has these types of breakdowns. And they always come in the car. That’s how I know when things are bad. When I can’t drive a distance without loosing my shit. When I’m in the car I think. I can’t listen to music anymore. I started to again for a while and then all this shit happened with my mom. Now I’m back off of it. I listen to CNN or Stars.
Now for the rant of today. My mom fucked up royally. Being paid under the table, no insurance, etc. It has been HELL trying to fix this mess. My beef is currently with the state of California (beside with her and her poorer than poor choices). Yes there are many people such as my mom who NEED public assistance. And it is SO HARD to get. What’s with all these drug addict, repeat offenders and baby mamas with no jobs that we are paying for with our taxes? How did they get medi-cal? I highly doubt many have the patience and determination to go through what they are making me go through. And what of Obama’s universal healthcare plan? Insurance for every American citizen my ass. Don’t get me wrong I KNOW she fucked up by not having it and I’m pissed about that. I just know that we can’t live In the past and need to make the best of the future.So, I NEVER want to get political, but this is an EMOTIONAL rant. So excuse me when I say FUCK YOU state of California and FUCK you Obama for your useless (in my case) insurance agenda.


About Tricia #GrowingUpNelson

First grandaughter, mother of two, lover of books and bad music, aspiring to be a mostly vegan always vegetarian. Nearly 365 days Xanax free and hating it. #GrowingUpNelson

6 responses »

  1. Oh babe, I hear ya loud and clear. First: I cry in the car all the time, too. My *favorite* (Sarcasm) place to break down, though, seems to be over dinner. It seems the act of preparing food and then eating, just Mr. Husband and I without the little family we dream of is just too much. Sadly, we cant’ just stop eating. Second: I so wish I could help you with the insurance dramaz. I have no words of wisdom, just those of support. You are one hell of a daughter to be picking up this fight for her. I commend you for doing so. Not everyone would.

    • Thanks belle. I’ve cleaned myself up and am ready to get her. I just have to remain strong but sometimes, when I’m alone, I guess that’s when I take my moments. Like in the car. On an off ramp. Like a freak. I guess in my case I’m doing what I feel I need to do to help her. But if I’m honest that doesn’t come without at least some resentment regarding her poor choices. It is best to move on and make the best of it. But I’m only human.

  2. Oh you’re cool, I do that all the time. Seriously. In the car is number one for me too.

    For what it’s worth, you have inspired me to seek public assistance for healthcare benefits just in case something happens while we’re in limbo.

  3. ricecakesandredemption

    The car is the best place to cry and for me it always feels like multi-tasking – at least I’m going somewhere right?

    I share your hate for the completely unorganized pathetic excuse for a welfare state that we have created a perpetuated in the U.S. It is by its very nature unfair and almost impossible for the most needy to access. Sadly, I work in social services but that’s a whole ‘nother problem. All I can do is wish you luck and say that many people do eventually get the services they need– after of course a well-meaning advocate or loved one has completely been put through the wringer and has ripped all of their hair out. Accessing social services sucks.

    • It just goes back to how are so many people who use aid as their “free ticket” so to speak, able to access it, and the people who want to do anything but use it, but have no other alternative have such a hard time? I mean a little bit of a different subject, but I become enraged by people who willingly admit that they collect unemployment as their “job” when there are so many who really need it and aren’t just being lazy….ugh, I’m kinda on one today. Sorry!
      Also, thank you, I’m glad I’m not the only car cryer. It’s definitely my place. =)


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