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Wednesday, Day before Thanksgiving

I just had 13 glorious hours of sleep. I went to bed at 6:30 last night and woke up only briefly when husband came home from bowling and again sometime around 2am when I had to pee.

Strange dreams though. I just kept having to tell people over and over that my mom has cancer. Breaking the news… I think maybe because I have been the bearer of bad news, having to tell my brother when he landed last week and then yesterday having to tell my 12 year old sister, which was the heaviest weight of all sitting on my shoulders. In my dream I had also been at the hospital and unable to shave my legs for so long that my leg hair was about 3″ long and all I had to wear was shorts…anyone think I’ve spent my fair share of time down there? Oh and also at one point in my dream I sat in a chair and when I stood up it was stuck to me cus my butt had gotten so big. Hospital cafeteria food anyone??

One of the harder things on me (physically) is that the hospital is right by my clinic, which means it’s more than an hour away. (convenient on monitoring days) When you spend anywhere between 6-9 hours sitting in a hospital room being emotionally and mentally drained, that long drive home is nearly impossible. (But, just so you guys don’t worry, I DO drive home and shower and shave my legs!)
Yesterday I left at 3, the earliest I’ve left since this all started, was home at about 4:30, ate dinner and crawled into bed. I left the kid at grandma’s house. I miss him like crazy but I would have been useless to him and at least at grandma’s he got to play with his cousin.

The good news on the fertility side of things (beside my rockin uterus) is that mom will be out of the hospital and resting but won’t be starting chemotherapy until well after my beta. So basically the stress will lessen tremendously during the most important part of the cycle. For that I am thankful.

I don’t think she’ll be home for Thanksgiving unless she actually discharges on Thanksgiving day. They have made no mention of discharging so I know it won’t be today. Dang, is it Thanksgiving already tomorrow?

On a different note, one reason (among the million) that I have always wanted more than one child is so that the child I do have doesn’t get stuck with the burden of caring for me or my husband on his own. This experience with my mom had strengthened that 10 fold. I don’t know what I would do without my brother to lean on. Husband is great, as are my aunts and grandparents, but NOBODY can comfort me, understand me or take weight off of my shoulders like he can. I want my son to have that.

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About Tricia #GrowingUpNelson

First grandaughter, mother of two, lover of books and bad music, aspiring to be a mostly vegan always vegetarian. Nearly 365 days Xanax free and hating it. #GrowingUpNelson

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