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Monday, I Think, but Does it Really Matter Anyway?

To say that I’ve come a long way would be an understatement. As I said in earlier posts, I’m now queen of my own shots. No biggie. So now, the girl who gets all vomit-y at the thought of anything bodily fluid related just sat and ate pop-chips (gluten free!) with a cup of yuck bile-y stuff from a wound drain right in front of me. DIDN’T. EVEN. FLINCH.

So thats fantastic, let’s see what else…I got stuck in the elevator and had to push the doors open to escape. Not on my list of things I’d ever wanted to do. Panic attack set in but I regained my cool pretty quickly and got the damn doors open. Coulda been worse.

I’ve learned that my mom, God love her, is a pain in the ass in-patient and I feel for her nurses when I’m not here to be at her beck and call. Hospital nurses should get major awards and medals and things, because I’m sure shes not the only one, or even the worst.

I’ve learned that I love hospital social workers. They are amazing people full of compassion and resources and free coffee cart cards 8)

I’ve learned that I really miss my brother even though he only left  yesterday and that he is more important to me than I can even express. I wouldn’t have gotten through the week without him. Ditto for my dad. My parents divorced when I was about 13, but dad was the one who flew my brother in within hours, paid for a hotel room for us so that we didnt have to drive the hour + back and forth, ran errands for us, was there within the hour to comfort me when we got the diagnosis, and was there to sit with us during her surgery.

Tomorrow morning I have an ultrasound to see how things are going. For the first time in all of this, I messed up and left my Lupron bottle (almost empty) out of the fridge when I left the house this morning. Husband made it home and I’m hoping he remembered to put it back in the fridge. I’m also hoping that tomorrow will be my last lupron dose. I can’t even remember when I started it to be honest. I know it was probably about a week before the shit hit the fan around here.  I’m still on 3 estrace tablets a day and will be moving up to four tomorrow. No real side effects, just some over the right ovary twinges.  I can’t tell if I’m more emotional, because well, It has been an emotional week anyway. The worst week, actually. But hey, silver lining, I have had NO TIME to obsess over this FET. I don’t even think about it except when I’m taking my meds. That is nice. I really just hope that it works. And I really just  hope that my mom gets out of here soon and that we can move forward with the rest of her treatment. I hate cancer. I hate it.

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About Tricia #GrowingUpNelson

First grandaughter, mother of two, lover of books and bad music, aspiring to be a mostly vegan always vegetarian. Nearly 365 days Xanax free and hating it. #GrowingUpNelson

5 responses »

  1. Your father sounds like an amazing man to step up like that. I can’t think of any way he could make things easier on you other than magically taking the cancer away 🙂 I also understand the deep love of a sibling. I can’t imagine my world with out my little bro. Good luck at your appointment and keep being strong!

    Reply
  2. I think you’re probably going through the least recommended way to not stress over infertility.

    I’m glad you sound like things are going better. That’s so great how much your father has done for you guys! And brothers are just great, period…even though mine has snuck out of the house tonight!

    Reply
  3. April, I’m sure you are right!!! But If I were to cancel, 1, she’d be devastated and 2, I’d just be trying again during her chemo which will be no less stressful. It’s life, right?

    Reply
  4. Hey, you’re sounding much more positive, which is good to hear. The injections do get so much easier don’t they? You wonder what all the initial fuss was about.

    Hope your mum is feeling better- it sounds like she has very good people around her.

    Stay strong and positive!

    Reply
  5. I think you are in a cup runneth over situation here (I just started reading your blog), and I hope things get a bit easier soon. I hate cancer with you.

    And, I bet the Lupron will be okay. It’s not in the heat, so it shouldn’t get too messed up, right?

    Reply

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