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Nervous Ramblings Before my WTF Appointment…

I’m leaving for my doctor’s appointment in 45 minutes. In 45 minutes I will be walking into the place, where, the last time I was there my heart was broken. Not so much broken, actually, as ripped out of my chest and thrown on the floor and stomped on. It is where my heart was mauled. Mutilated. It’s a wierd thing, but every time I get off the freeway and turn on to the street that my clinic is on, I start to cry. I have to sit in the parking lot and wipe snot off my nose and put powder around my eyes, in my (most likely) pointless attempt to hide the fact that I am a wreck. From the very first appointment to the very last. And probably today. Well, maybe it’s not so wierd. I mean I am traveling to a ritzy part of San Diego, to a building with an elegant waiting room, friendly front desk staff, and a lab to make my baby. A LAB TO MAKE MY BABY. Of course I cry every time I go. I have to make my baby in a lab rather than doing it the normal way. The way that it is supposed to happen. Sorry if I sound bitter, its just because I kind of am.

So anyway, I am putting together my list of questions to ask my RE so that I don’t forget anything. I want statistics. I want COLD. HARD. FACTS. I’m not a numbers person by any means. I literally had to take college algebra three times to graduate, but when it comes to things like this, I  need numbers. I take comfort in statistics. In the facts. It’s why we went straight for the big guns and skipped the IUI route.      8% vs. 53%. It made the decision simple. And I was part of that 53%. I just also happened to be a part of that 10-15% for whom it doesn’t stick.

So I want to know what comes next. What are my chances of pregnancy? Of a SUCCESSFUL pregnancy? Do we go straight for a fresh cycle? Do we do the FET? How many do we transfer? And when? So many questions? SO MUCH fear…25 minutes til go time…

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About Tricia #GrowingUpNelson

First grandaughter, mother of two, lover of books and bad music, aspiring to be a mostly vegan always vegetarian. Nearly 365 days Xanax free and hating it. #GrowingUpNelson

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