As I’ve said before, husband and I are dealing with secondary infertility. We were lucky enough to have it work once, in February of 2004. Looking back, we were only 24/25 and it took us nearly a year to conceive him. If we had known then what we know now, that may have been a major clue…I mean I know they say to wait one year before looking into problems with fertility, but looking back, at that age, almost 10 months of seriously trying is a little long…I think…I could be totally wrong. Maybe I just think that cus it seems like everyone else around me is able to decide to get pregnant and then just do it. So I dunno…
So all this time that we have been trying to provide our son with a sibling, he hasn’t stayed the same. IMAGINE! He’s growing taller and loosing teeth and learning to read. Every November we celebrate the day he was born, which in turn, adds another year to his life. It drives me nuts. And as if having one birthday a year isn’t enough, about a week after the birthday happens, we’re already on to the next one. I want to be FIVE, I want to be SIX, and now its, I can’t wait to be SEVEN!
Seven. If I wouldn’t have miscarried, there would have been a seven year age difference between our children.
Ok here is where I have to do a little flashback/foreshadowing/back story, whatever you want to call it. Husband and I are both exactly 7 years older than our siblings. Husband and I are the same age and siblings are the same age, give or take three or so weeks. We have always called it The Seven Year Curse. Theres really no rhyme or reason to why we’ve called it that, we just always have. And we’ve always wanted to beat The Seven Year Curse. We both wanted our children to have what we didn’t have; a sibling close in age. So at first we were pretty far off. Totally gonna beat The Seven Year Curse. Then another year goes by and then another. Then suddenly were closing in on seven years, and HOLY CRAP! it really is a curse! Then we do the IVF. We would be just over seven years. Ok, so I didnt beat the The Seven Year Curse, but we’re still in the same ballpark, right? Wrong. Oh so wrong.
Ok so anyway, now I’m figuring that if we do another round at the first of the year, and it actually works, we’re looking 8 years age difference. And what if it doesn’t work? Do I try again? I don’t really know where I’m going with this. I guess what I’m asking is, is there ever a point where you give up because the age difference is too much? I mean, “Hey kid, you’re gonna have a brother!” isn’t gonna mean as much if he already has kids of his own.
Is there anybody out there that has experience with this? Having kids so far apart in age? Tell me about it. Actually, just tell me I’m crazy for worrying about it. I KNOW what its like to have a sibling with a big age gap. I lived it. I love my brother (and I don’t even blame him for being so much younger than me!) but it’s not what I wanted for my own. I wanted him to have that close relationship. That built in best friend. That person that you could fight with in one second and build a motorcycle track in the sandbox the next. And I have to accept that essentially, that freaking ship has sailed. Now I have to accept that if we do finally have another, they will grow up largely disconnected because of thier age. BUT, I will be able to find comfort in the fact that as they grow into adults, they will have the opportunity for thier relationship to flourish. Cus really, whats the difference between 35 and 45 or 45 and 55? At some point I guess they will catch up to eachother. They will probably never play in the sandbox together but there will be dinners and ball games and family holidays and arguements over who has to take care of me and who has to take care of husband when we get old and crotchety and senile. Things aren’t exactly going as I wanted them to or as I had “planned”. But, I have faith that one day, I will see what I always wanted to see. My son, with a sibling who is also his very best friend.