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The Seven Year Curse

As I’ve said before, husband and I are dealing with secondary infertility. We were lucky enough to have it work once, in February of 2004. Looking back, we were only 24/25 and it took us nearly a year to conceive him. If we had known then what we know now, that may have been a major clue…I mean I know they say to wait one year before looking into problems with fertility, but looking back, at that age, almost 10 months of seriously trying is a little long…I think…I could be totally wrong. Maybe I just think that cus it seems like everyone else around me is able to decide to get pregnant and then just do it. So I dunno…

So all this time that we have been trying to provide our son with a sibling, he hasn’t stayed the same.  IMAGINE! He’s growing taller and loosing teeth and learning to read. Every November we celebrate the day he was born, which in turn, adds another year to his life. It drives me nuts. And as if having one birthday a year isn’t enough, about a week after the birthday happens, we’re already on to the next one. I want to be FIVE, I want to be SIX, and now its, I can’t wait to be SEVEN!

Seven. If I wouldn’t have miscarried, there would have been a seven year age difference between our children.

Ok here is where I have to do a little flashback/foreshadowing/back story, whatever you want to call it. Husband and I are both exactly 7 years older than our siblings. Husband and I are the same age and siblings are the same age, give or take three or so weeks. We have always called it The Seven Year Curse. Theres really no rhyme or reason to why we’ve called it that, we just always have. And we’ve always wanted to beat The Seven Year Curse. We both wanted our children to have what we didn’t have; a sibling close in age. So at first we were pretty far off. Totally gonna beat The Seven Year Curse. Then another year goes by and then another. Then suddenly were closing in on seven years, and HOLY CRAP! it really is a curse! Then we do the IVF. We would be just over seven years. Ok, so I didnt beat the The Seven Year Curse, but we’re still in the same ballpark, right? Wrong. Oh so wrong.

Ok so anyway, now I’m figuring that if we do another round at the first of the year, and it actually works, we’re looking 8 years age difference. And what if it doesn’t work? Do I try again? I don’t really know where I’m going with this. I guess what I’m asking is, is there ever a point where you give up because the age difference is too much? I mean, “Hey kid, you’re gonna have a brother!” isn’t gonna mean as much if he already has kids of his own.

Is there anybody out there that has experience with this? Having kids so far apart in age? Tell me about it. Actually, just tell me I’m crazy for worrying about it. I KNOW what its like to have a sibling with a big age gap. I lived it. I love my brother (and I don’t even blame him for being so much younger than me!)  but it’s not what I wanted for my own. I wanted him to have that close relationship. That built in best friend. That person that you could fight with in one second and build a motorcycle track in the sandbox the next. And I have to accept that essentially, that freaking ship has sailed. Now I have to accept that if we do finally have another, they will grow up largely disconnected because of thier age. BUT, I will be able to find comfort in the fact that as they grow into adults, they will have the opportunity for thier relationship to flourish. Cus really, whats the difference between 35 and 45 or 45 and 55? At some point I guess they will catch up to eachother. They will probably never play in the sandbox together but there will be dinners and ball games and family holidays and arguements over who has to take care of me and who has to take care of husband when we get old and crotchety and senile. Things aren’t exactly going as I wanted them to or as I had “planned”.  But, I have faith that one day,  I will see what I always wanted to see. My son, with a sibling who is also his very best friend.

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About Tricia #GrowingUpNelson

First grandaughter, mother of two, lover of books and bad music, aspiring to be a mostly vegan always vegetarian. Nearly 365 days Xanax free and hating it. #GrowingUpNelson

6 responses »

  1. Well, I don’t have experience with HAVING kids so far apart, but I do have experience with a brother who is six years older than me, and no other siblings.
    I worshipped him. Seriously. I wanted to be like him in everything. And he was a teenager as I was in elementary school so he was a bit of a douche to me growing up. However, we are SO INCREDIBLY CLOSE now. He’s one of my best friends, apart from being my brother. Once I hit my teens and he was basically an adult, I came to him for support on things that I couldn’t bring myself to tell my parents, and he literally saved me time and time again.
    I wouldn’t change that for the world. Being far apart in age I think only cemented our bond.
    So in short – I don’t think you should worry about it too much!

    Reply
    • Thank you. Thats awesome that you have such a great relationship with your brother now, and that you had an adult that you could go to while you were in high school. That is a definate plus. I try not to worry about it but sometimes that clock ticking is just too LOUD to ignore!!!

      Reply
  2. My mom and her brother are 12 years apart and he was adopted. He was always the baby, but they seemed to have a pretty good relationship. Beyond that I hear you, I cannot phathom that my son is closing in on six and if we are blessed with another…..

    Reply
  3. I’m four years older than my sister, 14 years older than one brother, and 19 years older than my youngest brother.

    I’m closest with my youngest brother, and my sister and our other brother are the closest.

    I’m also seven years older than my husband, and he’s also closest to my youngest brother.

    We’re all over the place in age, but sometimes it seems to make things work better, since we all have different perspectives.

    While I’d love to have kids close in age, I’d be okay with a big gap because of my family.

    Reply
  4. Thank you for your comment! I know I worry about EVERYTHING!! like I said I love my brother to death and he is 7 years younger…I lts like I just HAVE to analyze every stupid aspect of it. Also the “you really wanna go back and do it again” people really rain on my parade. It’s not by choice, that the age difference would be so great. Ugh! Nosy opinionated people!

    Reply

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