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What a Wreck

I’m an emotional person on a good day. I cry. A lot. Throw in 3 years of struggling with infertility culminating in an IVF miscarriage and a huge hormone crash, and I am a freaking wreck. There. I said it. I’ll admit. I’m done. There is nothing that hasn’t made me cry in the past couple of weeks. Things that normal, non-hormonally demented people would NOT cry over.

  1. I cried when, after 3 months, I finally got the ok to do my normal cardio exercising, I could only run one minute and 34 seconds. Yes, on the treadmill, at the gym, infront of a mirror just so that EVERYONE in the damn place could see.
  2. I cried the next day at the gym, when I went to flip on Pandora and  realized that I had brought my broken ear buds.
  3. I secretly cried under my huge sunglasses because Shamu is a beautiful animal and I was worried that he and his other sea creature friends would have been so much happier with a life out in the wild.
  4. I cried when I found out my son spilled milk on my dad’s computer.
  5. I cried because I thought my foot was broken. NOT because of pain or anything like that, but because I couldn’t bear the thought of one more trip to one more doctor. (It’s not)

Another thing that can bring me to tears at a moments notice, no warning, no chance to stop it, is music. Here are some songs that have recently done me in.

  1. “Move Along” by All American Rejects…”When all you got to keep is strong, move along move along, like I know you do. And even when your hope is gone, move along, move along just to make it through”…
  2. “Jack and Diane” by John Mellencamp…”Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone, now rock on”
  3. “For the First Time” by The Script…”And we don’t know how, How we got in to this mad situation, Only doing things out of frustration, Trying to make it work but  man these times are hard”…

There are so many more things, so many more songs that have made me just break down sobbing without warning. This is rough. It’s hard to hide. “We’re smiling but we’re close to tears”…another line from “For the First Time” that says it perfectly. Even when I’m smiling, I’m pretty damn close to crying. It’s always right there waiting for something to set it off.


About Tricia #GrowingUpNelson

First grandaughter, mother of two, lover of books and bad music, aspiring to be a mostly vegan always vegetarian. Nearly 365 days Xanax free and hating it. #GrowingUpNelson

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