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Toes in the Sand

“Sun tanned toes ticklin the sand
Cold drink chillin in my right hand…”
Ok so it’s early maybe I don’t quite have the drink in my right hand yet but definitely got my toes burried in the warm sand. I think it’s helping…I can’t help but have waves of sadness come over me. Like especially when I wake up in the morning and realize that I am no longer pregnant.
Last night we had our nephew come stay the night with us. He is two and the most well behaved sweetest thing in the world. Having him here makes the ache even stronger, but in a wierd way it also makes me realize that a 7 year old who is not completely dependent for every little thing isn’t so bad. Does that make me a bad person? Because I do want my baby. But I also enjoy having my morning coffee in peace. I enjoy sleeping through the night and I am enjoying my relaxing and reading while he plays with his friends. Is this part of the healing process? Am I subconsciously giving myself ways to make the pain less? I’m not sure.
Anyway, I am so happy to be here with good friends and lots of distractions. When it does cross my mind I have enough other stuff to shew it away.
I like today

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About Tricia #GrowingUpNelson

First grandaughter, mother of two, lover of books and bad music, aspiring to be a mostly vegan always vegetarian. Nearly 365 days Xanax free and hating it. #GrowingUpNelson

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