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Without a Trace

Like a million years ago, before we were diagnosed with the dreaded secondary infertility, we had discussed adoption. Just something we were interested in, something we might want to do. We had social workder from an agency come out and learned a little about it. Afterwards we learned from several adoptive parents that agencies were not the way to go in our area and to look into the department of social services. We kicked it around a little more but never took action. However, after the diagnosis it was our first inclination to adopt, all the other infertility BS came later…

A year ago this month, we signed up for adoption orientation in our county. We completed our medical testing. We sat on the wait list and finally started our classes in January 2011 and finished in April. We went through mandated counseling in order to be deemed sane and able to parent. We endured the lengthy and invasive home study. According to the county we are ready to be given a beautiful bundle of joy. According to the state of California? Not so much. Let me put it this way. If you need an accomplice in a crime, call me. I have NO fingerprints. I won’t leave a trace behind. The FBI and the state of California will not approve me for adoption. i have been trying since November 2010. Which leads to me where I sit right now, in my car, in front of the department of social services, waiting for them to open so I can give this finger printing thing a THIRD go round.

Really? I just want a baby. I want to give my almost 7 year old son a sibling before he goes off to college.I don’t care if this baby comes from inside me or from someone who was able to give life but unable and ill equipped to care for that life…

Well I just finished my printing. lets see. The first time they got 1 finger. The second time 3 fingers. This time one “slap”and 3 fingers off of each hand. Lets hope this is it. The dpss employee doing the prints was horrified that I had been trying to get clearance from the state since November.”REDICULOUS”, she said, “Such a sad thing”. I would have to agree.

I will now be emailing the state worker to let her know that I have completed my THIRD set of fingerprints and to please watch for them, and to please request a manual background check immediately if they are again denied. I will then email her once a week “just to check in”.

I really have no idea what the correct path is for us. Maybe its another IVF, maybe its accepting a child born of a different biological parent into our hearts and into our home. Maybe our path is to truely only have one child. I will accept what is right and what is meant to be, but that doesn’t mean that if our true destiny is only one child, I’m not gonna fight it and give that fight all I have. They say that God doesnt give us more than we can handle. Maybe thats true, because I may feel weak right now, but I KNOW that I can handle this fight.


About Tricia #GrowingUpNelson

First grandaughter, mother of two, lover of books and bad music, aspiring to be a mostly vegan always vegetarian. Nearly 365 days Xanax free and hating it. #GrowingUpNelson

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